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RANDOM FLUFF: Competitive Eating

TITLE: Competitive Eating

AUTHOR: ncruuk

FANDOM: SG1, Sam/Janet

DISCLAIMER: not mine, no profit, just, well, reading pleasure I hope





"Yo, Space Monkey?"

"What is it Jack?" asked Daniel patiently, not looking up from the text he was attempting to translate from unknown language one into unknown language two.

"What are you doing?" asked Jack, his own problem temporarily forgotten as he considered the chaos that was Daniel's office.

"Translating these writings..." muttered Daniel, frowning as he tried to decipher if that shadow was a stroke or an ink blot.

"What they say?"

"A whole bunch of stuff..."

"Like?" With a lot of self control, Jack managed not to add something sarcastic to his question, though it took real effort - it was a miracle really that some days, when his 'geeks' got all, well, geeky on him, that he didn't shoot them for being poor conversationalists...

"I'm not sure..."

"Cryptic meanings and random references?" guessed Jack, deciding he'd not bother Daniel with his problem after all.

"I won't know until I've translated it..."

"Sure...I'll go find Teal'c..." decided Jack, before turning on his heel and ambling off again.



"Teal'c?" called out Jack, banging on the door to the Jaffa's Base Quarters.

"What is it O'Neill?" rumbled the big Jaffa, coming up behind Jack.

"Oh, Teal'c, there you are..." muttered Jack, hoping the ever observant former First Prime hadn't noticed him nearly jumping out of his skin.

"Indeed..." There was an awkward pause, during which Teal'c was content stand in the corridor, waiting for his friend to comment, whilst Jack was waiting for, well, Teal'c to say something...only that would take too long.

"You busy?"

"I must Kel-nor-eem, immediately..."

"Problem?" asked Jack, attempting to sound casual. Ever since 'Junior' had left home and the apartment in Teal'c's stomach hadn't been re-let, kel-nor-eem was no longer as critical to the Jaffa's physical well-being, so whenever Teal'c announced a sudden urge to perform the meditative ritual it normally indicated something was troubling the man.

"I feel discomfort..." mused Teal'c, instinctively rubbing his chest, as if easing a heartache.

"Did you have lunch yet?"

"I ate with Daniel Jackson..."

"Did you have that mystery meat thingy?" asked Jack, suddenly having a good idea what was troubling his friend.

"If you are referring to the dish called 'Beef Wellington' then yes, I had the 'mystery meat thingy'," enunciated Teal'c carefully, before burping...quietly.

"Gas...you've got gas..."

"Gas?"

"Sure...come on, the Doc'll fix you..." decided Jack, his original mission temporarily forgotten as instead, he set about introducing Teal'c to the wonders of Doctor Fraiser's selection of antacid tablets...


"Feeling better Teal'c?" enquired Janet kindly, the troubled Jaffa gradually recovering from the surprise as much as the actual attact of heartburn and indigestion his lunch had caused. It wasn't especially pleasant at the best of times, so Janet could only imagine the shock it had caused to someone who had managed to get to Teal'c's age (it was easy to forget he was over 100 years old...) without ever before experiencing it. Certainly, it took a lot for Teal'c to actively volunteer to lie down on one of the infirmary beds for a little while, and was enough to get Janet to ring the base kitchens and have the Beef Wellington taken off the menu.

"Thank you Doctor Fraiser, those tablets have proven most successful..."

"Good...here's a tube of them, and I'll make a note for some to be put in your pack...don't look at me like that, everyone else carries them..." instructed Janet gently, spotting the tell tale clouding of the Jaffa's eyes as he was reminded of his, relatively speaking new found fallibility.

"We do Teal'c, only way to cope with Danny's cooking..." suggested Jack helpfully, earning a smirk from Janet. It amused her no end that Daniel had been given off-world cooking duties because Sam had managed to convince SG1 she was incapable of doing anything other than reduce MRES to charcoal...the freezer at home had some rather delicious frozen soups and sauces in it, all cooked by the multi-talented Samantha Carter...

"Very well, thank you Doctor Fraiser, I will make sure I have these antacid tablets with me in future..." decided Teal'c, returning to his feet, preparing to leave the infirmary.

"You're welcome Teal'c, now, Colonel, what can I do for you?" asked Janet, turning to look at Jack who was now cluttering up her otherwise tidy infirmary with only five minutes left until she could legitimately leave the Base for a three day leave.

"Nothing Doc, absolutely nothing..." protested Jack, immediately having thoughts of large needles and bright lights...he didn't need anything from Janet, "...I was just keeping Teal'c company..."

"That is correct Doctor Fraiser, Colonel O'Neill was looking for me when I felt unwell...what is it you require from me?" the Jaffa asked, turning to look at Jack.

"Umm, well..."

"If you leave my infirmary, I won't eavesdrop Sir..." observed Janet lightly, amused at his reaction.

"Right, yes, sorry, c'mon Teal'c..."



"You did not wish Doctor Fraiser to know what you wished to talk to me about?" asked Teal'c a few minutes later, once Jack had finally explained his problem to him.

"Yes, no...it's the Carter-Doc thing..."

"You disapprove of their relationship?" asked Teal'c seriously, taking a small but deliberate step nearer to his friend. The military views on homosexuality were not views Teal'c understood or shared, but the need for support from SG1 and secrecy, those he did understand, and was perfectly happy to ensure Jack understood that...

"No! But I don’t want the Doc to know.."

"Very well..." Once again, Teal'c sat down on the locker room bench, content to let his friend explain himself, although he already knew how his weekend would be now spent...



"Sam?"

"Hmm?" mumbled Sam, her voice a little muffled due to Janet's hair covering her face a little.

"Were you compiling that new UAV controller programme today?"

"Which one?" asked Sam, not surprised from the rather strange question given the fact that they were currently lying on the couch together, half watching some random movie.

"The one that takes hours and stops you doing anything until it's done?"

"Yeah...twice in fact...why?"

"Jack and Teal'c came by the infirmary this afternoon..."

"They ok?"

"Teal'c's first experience of heartburn..." explained Janet, adopting the special 'SG1 shares everything' variant of doctor-patient privilege.

"Ouch..." Sam winced in sympathy, guessing, "...he ate mystery meat stew for lunch?"

"It was Beef Wellington..."

"I think someone should write a memo explaining how the 'Wellington' is not literal..." mused Sam, earning her a playful thump from her lover.

"Did you play minesweeper this afternoon?" asked Janet, returning to her original topic of conversation.

"When I had no more emails to reply to, yes..."

"And you set a new top score on the network, didn't you?" guessed Janet, knowing that her lover had an aptitude for the game that generally resulted in her winning games very quickly, assuming she didn't luck out and land on a mine with her first couple of goes.

"Yeah, I beat...oh..." Suddenly, Sam realised what had happened.

"You didn't just play minesweeper, did you?"

"Nope..."


"Samantha Carter is a very talented woman..." mused Teal'c, closing down the minesweeper high scores menu and making a note.

"How many is that now?" asked Daniel, taking a long swig of his coffee.

"Including the games she already held top score on? Seventeen..." muttered Jack, torn between cursing his 2IC and celebrating the fact that the Marines were not holding a single top score for any game, including the really gory kill anything that moves games...

"And how many top scores did she take from you Jack?" asked Daniel, far too innocently.

"Thirteen..." volunteered Teal'c, consulting his notes, "...you have no top scores now O'Neill..."

"WE have no top scores now Teal'c, WE have no top scores..." corrected Jack, before opening minesweeper and beginning his bid to reclaim some glory....



"You're an evil, evil woman Samantha Carter..." teased Janet when she'd finally extracted the full extent of her lover's computer games binge.

"It wasn't deliberate..." protested Sam, recalling her afternoon. When she'd run out of everything she could do without delaying the compiling, and only then, had she started playing the games on the network, and even then it had just been for fun...

"He's probably shouting at the screen now..." mused Janet, trying not to laugh as she pictured a frustrated Jack shouting at the screen, possibly throwing popcorn at it too, if it was anything like the Playstation marathon he'd organised a few weeks ago.

"Good job it's a long weekend then..." observed Sam, suddenly glad she wasn't going to be near her CO for the next few days....she'd not outscored him by too many points, so it wouldn't take him too many goes to reclaim some glory...

"Good job..." agreed Janet, before deciding that she had much better ways to occupy herself this weekend than talk about Jack O'Neill's desire for computer game glory...




Meanwhile, deep in Cheyenne Mountain:

*GAME OVER, you have scored a high score...please enter your name here:*

"YES!" exclaimed Jack, jumping to his feet - he'd done it, he'd got it. Typing in his name, Jack watched the screen for his name to appear...

"She's still beating you Jack..." observed Daniel, looking up from his translation which he'd now finally finished. It had only taken three translations, from unknown one to unknown two to ancient to Goa'uld, for him to realise that this was actually a user manual for some piece of alien technology Sam hadn't yet got around to fiddling with, rather than the secret to life, the universe and everything....

"What's the text say?" asked Jack, deliberately changing the subject.

"Nothing important..." hedged Daniel.

"That doesn't usually stop you....what's it say?" pressed Jack in such a tone Daniel knew he'd best just give in and read out what it said.

"Player two should be more patient..."

"You're kidding me..."

"Nope, we've found the PX3-5TV version of the Playstation..."

"Cool..."

"Indeed, it will give Major Carter another opportunity to demonstrate her superior skills..." mused Teal'c, getting up from the computer and crossing to investigate what Daniel had been translating.

"Uh, Teal'c?"

"Yes Doctor Jackson?"

"Did you just get a high score?"

"Indeed...I will record my name..." declared the Jaffa, before typing his name and hitting enter.

"Where'd you come T?" asked Jack politely, fairly confident that Teal'c's minesweeper abilities wouldn't yet warrant anything more than a top ten high score.

"First...Major Carter was kind enough to share her strategy with me when we were eating lunch..."

Tags: ncruuk, sg-1
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