ncruuk (ncruuk) wrote in femslash_fluff,
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RANDOM FLUFF: Ophidiophobia

TITLE: Ophidiophobia

AUTHOR: ncruuk

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no profit, just random

FANDOM: SG1, Sam/Janet

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yeah, well, this happened.... oh, and go join in the fluff challenge a couple of posts back Here....seriously, there's about 80 of you lurking....and that's not good! Be brave...I promise it won't hurt!





"What happened Major?" asked General Hammond, concerned when he saw his premier off world team coming through the gate, protectively surrounding the Base Genius who was looking thoroughly...pissed off.

"Ask Doctor Jackson..." ground out Sam, before belatedly adding, "...Sir."

"Well Doctor?" asked George, turning to fix what he knew to be a rather ferocious glare at the often clumsy archaeologist, who remarkably, seemed physically intact.

"Huge snake...that is to say...well..."

"Oh for crying out loud, Space Monkey got spooked by a grass snake and shoved Carter into a bush..." summarised Jack, impatient with Daniel's inability to summarise.

"What sort of bush?" asked Janet sharply, having arrived in the Gate Room a moment earlier, having been telephoned for by a quick thinking MP.

"I retrieved a sample for the purposes of identification Doctor Fraiser," intoned Teal'c, passing a small box to the Lieutenant from Janet's team that had stepped forward at Janet's sharp nod.

"You used a haz-mat box?" asked Janet, arching an eyebrow: that ruled out her sneaking a quick peak at it, which would mean opening up one of the Level two quarantine labs on Level 29 and putting on the Haz-Mat suits, not to mention having to call Cassie and tell her....Janet's brain was rattling through the consequences of that little box at such a speed, she almost missed what the gentle giant of a man said next.

"Doctor Jackson had already used every other storage vessel..."

"Apart from the bags..." interrupted Jack, gesturing towards Sam.

"Ok..." mused Janet, turning to consider her lover, who was standing at the bottom of the ramp, fuming quietly.

"Lieutenant, could you find a botanist and get this plant analysed?" Though phrased as a question, everyone within earshot knew that an order had just been issued, with the Lieutenant scuttling from the gate room, a pair of MPs escorting him to ensure nothing delayed his quest for a botanist. For all they knew, every moment mattered.

"Sam, you feeling ok?" asked Janet quietly, oblivious to the audience they had, approaching her lover, her already gloved hands reaching to take a pulse.

"Fine....I don't see what all the fuss is about..." fussed Sam, missing the startled looks that were briefly exchanged between Janet, Jack and George. As temperaments went, Sam could normally be trusted to be the most placid of the non-Jaffa members on SG1...so fussing? That was on a par with a Jack O'Neill temper tantrum requiring a straight-jacket.

"Where's your jacket?" asked Janet, reaching up and feeling the pulse just under Sam's jaw, which the doctor could tell was firmly clenched.

"With my laptop on the planet..." grumbled Sam, shooting a truly fierce look at Daniel.

"Doctor Fraiser?" called out one of the Marine's suddenly, having answered the phone in the corner a moment before.

"What is it?" she called, reluctant to leave Sam.

"Captain Willis Ma'am..." he called, naming the botanist who was currently working on the plant samples brought back from PX4-7N6 and was a becoming a specialist in 'slice-'em and spot-'em' plant identifications as they were starting to become known. With often short periods of incubation and potentially fatal side-effects, the ability to take a clean section slice of the plant sample and place it in a microscope in less than a minute was highly respected and very, very useful.

"Sit down Sam..." instructed Janet kindly, coaxing her lover to sit down on the ramp edge, the blonde immediately resting her elbows on her knees, wanting to clash her hands but unable, making her frustration increase, "...and try to relax..."

"You want me to RELAX?"

"Think about Maui..." prompted Jack helpfully, earning him a raised eyebrow from Teal'c and a startled stare from Hammond - had Jack really just encouraged Samantha Carter to think about bikini clad beach beauties in public? Was he trying to end her career? "...what? It works for me..." continued Jack, confirming to his friends that no, he was just being Jack...

"Colonel..." growled Sam, sitting up very straight and very angry, which was not only comical for anyone with enough rank to risk smirking at her (that would be Janet and George), but it also meant that Janet could discretely whisper in her lover's ear,

"Think about me, in Maui..." before turning on her heel and striding across to talk with her waiting botanist, hoping no one had heard what her advice to Sam had been....

"I'm so sorry Sam..." began Daniel, clenching his hat with both hands, confirming the anguished tone he was speaking in was genuine.

"I do not believe Major Carter's mood is improved by your speaking Daniel Jackson..." suggested Teal'c, most impressed with the baritone quality that Major Carter's growl now possessed. It was a growl any Jaffa Warrior would be proud of, and almost unheard of by any female....

"Yeah, shut up Space Monkey..." instructed Jack, cuddling his MP5 thoughtfully, "...it itching again Carter?"

"Yes Sir..." agreed Sam reluctantly, shaking her arms in frustration.

"I'm not surprised...." agreed Janet, crossing the gate room again.

"Jan?" questioned Sam, looking up at her lover.

"Good old fashioned poison ivy..." she explained, reporting the findings of Captain Willis, prompting huge puffs of relief from Jack and Hammond, and near verbal diarrhoea from Daniel, that was quickly stopped by Jack shoving his ball cap in Daniel's mouth.

"What? He's been spluttering since shoving Sam...."

"Jack, you and Teal'c return to the planet and recover Major Carter's equipment...Doctor Jackson can debrief me on the planet's long term benefit to the programme..." decided Hammond, trying desperately not to laugh at the blinking archaeologist who was so startled he hadn't quite got around to removing Jack's cap yet.

"Yes Sir..." agreed Jack, running his hand through his hair and wondering whether he should reclaim his hat, before remembering the chilli Daniel had eaten for lunch right before the mission. Bad breath was one thing....wearing bad breath on his hat? He'd risk the sunburnt nose and grab Carter's when he found it....

"Major Carter, you have 48 hours downtime, and should follow Doctor Fraiser's orders...how long will the Major be on light duty Doctor?" enquired Hammond, ignoring his pouting goddaughter.

"I wouldn't like to say Sir, ivy rash to the fingers can take time to heal and, if rushed, could cause permanent damage....wouldn't want to risk Sam losing her fine motor control..." commented Janet distractedly, suddenly having a thoroughly selfish and highly unprofessional thought about the negative effects her lover losing such control would have on the CMO's sanity and sexual frustration.......

"In that case Major. SG1 has three weeks off base downtime. Doctor Fraiser, I would like you to take a very close interest in the Major's recovery and will, barring emergency, like you to take the same downtime in order to supervise the Major's period of rest...any complaint ladies?"

"No Sir..." they declared in unison, Sam's head beginning to spin from everything that was happening. Had she and Janet really just been given three weeks of off-base downtime with Janet under orders to take a close interest in her? Judging by the sparkle in her godfather's eyes...holy hannah! Her CO was planning her love life for her!

"Good, in that case, Doctor, get your patient to the infirmary..." instructed George, watching as Janet hustled Sam out of the Gate Room.

"Why was Major Carter wearing plastic bags over her forearms?" asked George sharply, wanting to know from the remaining members of SG1 why she had come through the gate wearing strategically placed sample bags.

"To stop her itching the rash Sir..." explained Jack, watching Sam leave.

"Why wasn't she wearing her jacket and gloves?" asked George, frowning. There were procedures in place to avoid this sort of thing.

"We were walking around the ruins perimeter. It is most humid on that planet..." explained Teal'c calmly, before adding, "...it was most fortunate Daniel Jackson chose not to fall against Colonel O'Neill...."

"It was?"

"Indeed, for Major Carter is far quieter with her protests when she is hurt...and I have a headache..." announced Teal'c suddenly, deciding the day had been quite long and active enough for little return and much physical discomfort, especially for Major Carter.

"You want to go to the infirmary Son?" asked George kindly, ignoring the fact that Teal'c was at least twice as old as he was.

"No, I will return to the planet and collect Major Carter's things...although O'Neill...."

"Yes Teal'c?"

"In light of Major Carter's experiences with this poison ivy, you will keep your shirt on this time. Major Carter was not the only person disturbed by your chest hair...." Before Jack to protest, George did the only thing he could to preserve his 'commander' face,

"SERGEANT? DIAL THE GATE...."


Tags: ncruuk, sg-1
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